Homework for Codependents – Is It Love Or Am I Just Thirsty?
If you are new to codependency, or know about it but haven’t been to a group or professional, this is the kind of thing you might do. Doing the homework for codependents is the bravest thing anyone can do. It’s about taking a really good hard look at what your codependent behaviours are how they keep you in the sickness. You give statements you believe are true, then facts that back it up. This is how you grow and change. The idea is that once you realise your patterns and understand why you do them, you can then challenge them and change them. It’s not just sexual relationships co-dependents have difficulties with it is all relationships.
Names have been blocked. This was my best friend from about 7-8 yrs old. We just got in touch few years ago and she’s bloody gorgeous and bloody brave to let her stuff be published..on the interweb. Fearless that is!!!!!
- Someone liking me is enough for a relationship, even if I don’t particularity like that person. I found this with Sarah, she isn’t the type of person I would socialize with and drove me mad when she wrote in my book. She asked my opinion on something and I felt accepted and didn’t want to get on the wrong side of her.
- I tolerate being poorly treated so others don’t leave me. There was one thing Alison used to do that really wound me up over (it was over cooking). It used to make me so angry as it reminded me of my childhood and made me upset and shamed. I tried no to react as I didnt want us to fall out until eventually I told her how it made me feel and she apologised.
- I tend to choose partners according to how I feel about myself. My company changes according to my tolerance level or topic of conversation. I was in a funny mood the other day and actually enjoyed Michelle’s company as I had the giggles and she was making me laugh. I was using her to mood alter and maintain that high.
- Investment in changing the other person. I really wanted Stacey to change, deep down there was something lovable about her if only she would change. She was sometimes brilliant to talk to, witty and fun but oh my god I wasted so much time on her. It is a shame because I thought she would have been an asset in the house. She had a difficult side but also a quite “evil side”
- I attract unhealthy people. (turned this around) I always have and still am. I have a few dotted around. I don’t encourage them they just gravitate towards me. Maybe it’s because I just listen to them because I haven’t got the heart to say I’m busy or be honest and say I really don’t want to speak to you.
The real clincher is the brutally honest approach you have to take with yourself. As soon as you really know your habits and manipulation techniques you can change them. This homework contribution shows the beginning of getting to know oneself. There’s an old saying that goes something like “with awareness comes change”. Writing this down on paper means acknowledging things, habits and ways of being that we can then change. We can look at our self, who we are and what we do and change what we do not like. That is where knowing our self and growing come from.