I’m not really sure, but I am sure. In true codependent style I am perplexed.
I’ve been in recovery for a while. I did the 12 steps, I spent 6 months in counselling and I let go of a toxic person when I needed to. So in my head i thought I was fixed, it is recovery and just like an alcoholic it’s forever. But still, in my head I thought I was fixed.
So…..I met someone 8 months ago.
I liked his business facebook page through an associate who did it for him. He friend requested me, I’m super friendly and bubbly and we got chatting. After a day or so he said he liked what little he knew, and would like to get to know me better. My reply……”that’s fine but beware I can sniff out a cunt from 20 yards” – see!! Totally had that covered. I’m telling him I’m not a twat, I’m rock solid, do not fuck with me.
The first time I met him I wasn’t sure, he seemed nice ( a bit twitchy) but I didn’t know if I fancied him or not. I felt comfortable and the conversation flowed. I took him home and he invited me in for coffee. Remembering my boundaries and realising I wasn’t ready and that it wasn’t safe I said “fuck off, it’s a school night”. He laughed, leaned in for a kiss and I gave him my cheek.
He didn’t text too much, just at night time and never got needy. I came to look forward to his texts so the next week we had another date. A meal this time, it was a lovely evening. We had got to know each other through texts so were more relaxed and we had fun. I dropped him home and he went to go inside. Annoyed he didn’t try to kiss me I said “oi, you’re supposed to kiss me”. And it was nice, I liked him.
A few days and many texts later we met up again, we were both near a local pub and it was near lunch time so met in there. He wasn’t pushy, he actually genuinely asked for nipples instead of nibbles at the bar and I pissed myself. The bar man cried with laughter, put his face in his hands and just kept shaking his head. We were getting closer in proximity but he was fine to wait, I felt unbelievably relaxed and naturally drawn to him. We hugged, and it was literally the best hug I have ever had. He’s taller than me and much bigger and it was heaven. I felt safe and almost like I could feel his soul and it was good and clean and lovely. So that was that, after 2 glasses of wine and an hour or so wasted talking and laughing, we walked out.
And that was the first red flag I missed, I think…..lunchtime drinking on a weekday…really??
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