Have you heard of it but not really sure how to go no contact with ex?
It’s probably one of the most used terms when researching toxic relationships, narc relationships and self neglect. Codependents are especially at risk of needed to go no contact. The term has been coined to mean exactly that. No contact. Not if you had a holiday planned in the next week, not if you go to hospital. To walk away and not look back until you and the ex partner are either more sane, but mostly it is in place for life.
I have seen a lot of articles on the internet showing how to go no contact with ex to get them back. An absolute favourite life coach of mine is Coach Corey. He is hilarious and bang on when it comes to men, women and relationships. He has an extremely successful YouTube channel because he is so good. He will often advise to go no contact with your ex in order to get them back, however…At no point will he ever suggest this if the ex is an asshole. If your ex causes you that much pain you cannot function properly it may be time to go no contact.
- Find out why you want to go no contact. Ask yourself really deep and meaningful questions to get tot the bottom of this. Write down the questions and answers. Are you doing it to teach them a lesson? Are you doing it to cause them pain? If any questions are answered in terms of hurting/blaming/shaming your ex, it may be wise to think things over again. The last thing anyone needs to be doing is causing someone unnecessary pain. If you are codependent then being in control of your actions is a muscle you need to flex. Thinking things over and then acting is a goal. If the answers as to why you are going no contact is solely down to the other person go ahead. Are you being pressured into it? Codependents gravitate towards other codependents. When meaningful friends and family pressure you to go no contact take a step back. It must be your decision and yours alone. Giving the reins to somebody else means you are not taking responsibility and you’re being pushed around. Probably the very reason you are going no contact!
- Prepare yourself. Prepare yourself for yours and their reaction. Going no contact with an ex is going to take determination. If you are reading this then you obviously need some support. Get that support ready, be it from friends or youtube videos. The ex you are going no contact with may be OK with it. They may also get incredibly crazy. If at any point you feel unsafe it is paramount you contact the relevant people, you have a right to feel safe! What are your patterns? Are you likely to break it and ring them? Get the support in place so you don’t do it.
- Take action. Delete and block on every social media platform. Block all phone apps and numbers, then delete. You won’t realise until you go no contact exactly how enmeshed they were in your life. Block all direct and indirect methods. No contact means no contact. No asking about them so they find out and try and call, no accidentally on purpose walking past their house. No facebook stalking to see if they have moved on…nothing! This is especially hard for codependents, regardless of the ex’s treatment, because the addiction to that person is so strong.
- Be strong. The first few hours are easy, the first day is easy. After that your beautiful mind will slowly start to forget the bad and enhance the good. Your mind may start to convince you that maybe it wasn’t the right decision. Codependents are notoriously bad decision makers so look back over your answers and questions. That is your evidence. As soon as you feel your mind starting to think wistfully, go back and read it again, then do something else. Breaking the no contact rule is like opening a scar again and again. The person is no good for you, they do not feed your soul. This is why you need to know how to go no contact with your ex. They destroy you that is why you are here going no contact.
- Start living again. Who were you before them? It is time to rebuild yourself. If you didn’t like who you were before you met them, you can change. This is an opportunity to be the best version of yourself. Wipe the slate clean. Go and try new things, meet new people. Heal yourself and work on yourself. The more nasty they were the longer it will take you to heal from it. Start healing now by being kind to yourself. If you find yourself in chaos then go back to your support and ask for support. We have a great page to quickly calm your chaos. It also helps to write things down so it easier to work it out.
How to go no contact with ex can be applied to anyone. Codependents have problems with relationships full stop. This could be friends, family or a partner. As the disorder starts in childhood it is unfortunately common to have to go no contact with a parent. Recovery from codependency, relationship addiction and self neglect relies on learning to put yourself first. This can be achieved by going no contact if it means putting yourself and your mental health first.
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